Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost....

I adore Coldplay. They are by and far one of my absolute favorite bands to come out since the death of Kurt Cobain. I think Chris Martin is Shakespeare for the 21st century. Pick any song: "Violet Hill", "Talk" Yellow", "Warning Sign", "'Til Kingdom Come". It's just beauty, waiting for you to take it in. Having said this, my newest musical fixation is the song "Lost" from the album "Viva la Vida, or Death and All His Friends". The words are simply amazing. A sample:
Just because I'm losing
Doesn't mean I'm lost
Doesn't mean I'll stop
Doesn't mean I will cross

Just because I'm hurting
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserve
No better and no worse

I just got lost
Every river that I've tried to cross
And every door I ever tried was locked
Ooh-Oh, And I'm just waiting till the shine wears off...

Those are some of the most inspirational words I've ever let my ears hear in my life. Think about that. "Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean I'm lost". Praise God for that! Matthew 18:11 tells us "For the Son of Man has come to save that which was lost." Even those who have Christ in their life will sometimes feel like they are losing. One of my best friends from high school has a favorite saying, "Born to lose but out to win". While I may not necessarily agree with the way he states it (I personally think it should be "Born to win, thought I was losing, but I'm going to win", but that's not as catchy.), I completely agree with his sentiment. And if anyone knows about feeling lost, it's him. He's been through his ups and downs in life (like us all!) but he's gaining his path back now. He told me just today that he wants to go back to school to major in psychology and go in to addiction counseling. He definitely has enough experience and he's smarter than a whip. And I think he was make a great counselor. God knows he's had enough practice, being my friend in high school!
In high school I had two very close friends, the guy I have been talking about and my constant companion and fellow colorguard member, J. We were pretty much inseperable for the greater part of my high school career and into my freshman year at college, until a silly little tift broke us apart. What it really was was distance, I realize in hindsight. They were both Seniors in high school and I was at UGA in Athens. But my love for those two has not waned through the years. We have been apart for ten years now, but I talk to them online and it feels as though there is no distance between us. We've all changed, we've all gone through our own journey to become the people that we have become, but there is a core of us that is still devoted to one another and I feel such joy just knowing that. I had a moment with the Lord the other day after realizing this. I was talking to J via IM and we had to end the conversation for one reason or another. I went outside to smoke my cigarette (yes, I am still smoking. I'm praying for the strength to quit, but it hasn't come so far. I know it will one day, but until then Marlboro Ultra Lights and I are as close as can be.) and I just had to praise God for my beautiful, funny, successful friend. She is absolutely amazing and I can't wait to get to meet her husband and stepdaughters and begin again with each other.
My point is: I feel like I'm losing sometimes. Often times, as a matter of fact. I mean, I'm twenty-eight (almost twenty-nine, February 16). I've never been married, I don't have any children, I don't own a home, I don't even own a car anymore. (Mr. Butler! *shakes fist teasingly*) So it's sometimes very easy for me to overlook what success I have had. I graduated from college with a BA, I've travelled to several exotic locales, I've written an entire novel! But my biggest success of all is accepting Jesus in to my life. It's a victory I will strive to achieve each and every day. Each morning now I make it a point to get up and put on the full armor of God.
Oh, I'm still a rebellious little thing. I think you have all kinds of Christians in the world. You have your fire and brimstone Christians, your Backrow Gossipers, your Sweet People, and then you have your Punks. That's me. I am the one you're going to find hanging out with the skateboarders, the musicians, the bikers at the church. But does it matter what you classify yourself as, as long as you have Christ in your heart and live in a Christ-like way? I think not, but I'm still new to all this. But doesn't Matthew 7 tell us "Judge not, least ye be judged?" And that's all I care about, what the Lord tells me. I've always been a live and let live person. I guess you could call me a "Live and let live Christian". I think that my only job is to set a good example of a Christian and to lead others to Christ in that manner.
I am not the Shepherd. That is my Lord. Most people are familiar with the Psalm, Pslam 23:1 "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want". And I completely trust that he will guide me.How could I possibly feel lost with that in mind? "The Lord is my Shepherd". It can seem frustrating that I don't know the entire path that God has set before me when I think about it. Not knowing what is going to happen next year, next month, next week, even the next hour. But I just have to place my trust in God. And I really hate not having control over situations. I'm stubborn that way. It's part of what has kept me from Him for so long. I was never able to step aside, put my own ego aside, and let him guide me. Like one of those "God is my co-pilot" bumper stickers. (By the way, those are wrong too. God is MY pilot!) Now that I have decided to let the Lord take the lead, I don't feel lost anymore. I feel like I'm on a great adventure! "Just because I'm losing doesn't mean I'm lost". It's so true. I'm never lost because I am with God!